In the gutter but looking at the stars

2011-01-15T21:26:00.000-08:00

TAA!

http://exo-thermique.tumblr.com

2011-01-09T06:25:00.001-08:00

I think I might get Tumblr. Jumping on the Tumblr bandwagon only about like...uh... a year late.

Anyway I now have hair that is dark blonde gold in colour and 2 inches shorter. Honestly, the "blonde" word in it totally throws you off does it not. My hair colour is not obtrusively in-your-face. In fact, the change is rather unnoticeable. So unnoticeable my sister didn't notice.

Notice notice notice... It's a funny word is it not! Not-ice. All the things you want to go unnoticed don't, and all the things you want noticed do. Maybe down the road I will understand how falling short of potential glory can be meaningful. Right now I'm staggering between confusion and misery and I cannot find the backbone to do otherwise. Just standing here and breathing unhealthy fascinations.

Time to get into the groove again! Grounded. Yes. I need to be grounded. No. Not in the you-are-jailed-at-home kinda grounded. The kind of grounded where I... Focus. Ugh. That detestable F-word. I have never been good at focusing. My heart and head are in the clouds. Always in the clouds.

Anyway, I have been up to alot and I have been neglecting this space. But aaah. Feels good typing here.

010120111!

2011-01-01T01:00:00.000-08:00

WHY WHY WHY?!?!??!!! WHY SO KAWAII?!?!?!!

Since it is the first post of the year I feel compelled to fill this space with endless bountiful ingenious spoutings analysing life and providing critical retrospective insights into the year past and the year to come.

...NAWWW KIDDIN BITCHAZZZ MY HEAD IS HURTING AND I'M GONNA CRAWL BACK INTO BED TATA.

2010-12-24T02:01:00.000-08:00

MY FAT WHITE THING IS GUILTY OF THIS. Guilty guilty guilty I tell you...!!!!!

Okay so 5 hours of sleep and right now I feel like a vegetable and my brain is. Non existent. No, it is not this way all the time. Got home not too long ago from Mich's place I SMELL OF DOGS my kitty is glaring at me. I can feel it. In approximately 2 minutes she will pounce on me because she is lethal.

It's been a busy week. I didn't think Cameron and KL were much of a respite. I spent most of my time sleeping. In my Dad's car that is I HATED THE DRIVE UGHZ I will helicopter in next time. No doubt in a helicopter coloured pink with green pokka dots. And aaiiiee tomorrow is Christmas?!?!! What happened to all my days in between they've gone in a heartbeat. And what's supposed to be the merriest time of the year, doesn't even feel like it. No self decorated tree, no stuffed turkey, no Christmas spirit, no familia gathering... Nothing! It gets drearier and drearier round this time every year. I wish it'd be different. Like a nice homey dinner of sorts absolutely cosy with the right people... Yknow? Just like you'd see in the movies.

But anyhow! I do love my life, even if I don't like most of the events that take place in it.

2010-12-10T19:25:00.000-08:00

Exhibit 1.

There is a typewriter at the Law firm I've been at!1!1!!!1 SO EXCITINGZ but they don't let me play with it ahmagawd but it is terribly tempting it is just sitting there an armslength away and mocking me like you know you want to press my buttons lolololl.

Okay anyway. I have been having little else as daily sustenance but that above (ref to Exhibit 1). IT IS TERRIBLE. But it doesn't stop there. That is Lunch 1. Then I have Lunch 2 and Lunch 3. And then I have kitkats. I need to get out of that place. Quick.

So this was a rather good week. I met 2 of the fries, met Amz, rollerbladed with retards and mocked and made sure the white kid got her work cut out for that 6bux an hour, ate, ate, ate and ate...

Right now, I'm loving life, and daring to live it.

P.S.: if you read this, BAY ENGLAND DOESN'T NEED YOU COME HOME.

2010-12-04T05:38:00.000-08:00

HIYAZZZ!!!

So iz like. I'm on a sugar high now. I don't really know why either. I think I remembered but then I think I forgot. Then again the existence of forgetting has never really been proved.

TODAY IS A MOMENTOUS DAY - cuz it's the oldest I've ever been and also the youngest I'll ever be again. ...Oh wait. That's everyday. Anyway I begin my Law attachment next week. Not that it's something I'm sure of wanting to do any longer but. Whatever. If I'm taking that gap year I'll have plenty of time to figure out what I wanna spend the rest of my life dragging myself out of bed for every morning. Not the end of anything, just the beginning.

This week's been... Different. Difficult and different. But hey everything's gonna fall back into place cuz the heavy, dark tension has to break someday. And it's close. Closer than bone and muscle or joint.

2010-11-28T05:13:00.000-08:00

Lotza pics from Prom but NYAAH ONLY 1 HERE my pretty Best Fries Forever. Thanks for making school a-okay.

Anyway, one word to describe the week: WHOAZ.

...Would blog more but I'm too busy looking at food porn. Ciao!

2010-11-21T00:01:00.000-08:00

Been long enough.

I'm standing up and brushing this dust off my shoulders - I've done this a thousand and one times before, so why should this time be any exception? It's the same journey, just longer. I'll get there too someday, just later. But hey, the longer the darkness, the brighter the light, when it finally comes. And it will. Just wait and watch.

Meeting with my best fries Nat Sash Mich Becky tomorrow, I miss them so much. JY FOREVER MIA-ING. I hope ya'll are all nice and bronzed up by Bali Sash and Mich I cannot wait to see ya'll! ...OH WAIT SASHA MARTIN plz stay away from my electronic devices 1 computer and 1 handphone down (and hopefully no more to come) cuz of you.

My sister,

2010-11-11T04:30:00.000-08:00

...is adorable.

HAPPY DIWALI

2010-11-05T19:43:00.000-07:00

REASONS I AM HAPPY TO BE PART NORTH (YES, A CLEAR DISTINCTION IS NEEDED) INDIAN:

1: My eyes
2: My uhh... Eyelashes

....Okay that's it folks.

TIME TO GO GET ME SOME YELLOW PACKETS!

2010-10-29T02:44:00.000-07:00

Sleepy! Eyes half open.

Hard to keep both feet firmly on the ground. Some days, have been easier than others. 5 more days before the start of my first paper though! I am... Not all that nervous. Or anxious. Just sporadically stressed. One moment I can feel my heart palpitating out of rhythm - it happens when I get afraid. The next I am lying in bed, fingers reaching into the packaging of some over processed over fried over sweetened exploding with saturated fats trans fats bad fats horrible fats repeat 10x over oh god this is what IB does to me. Okay, whatever.

Post IB post IB... everyone is talking about it. And with good reason so, of course. I cannot wait to embark on my post IB plans! It will all be over next next next week. Close, close enough.

HEHEHE I JUST REALISED. I typed this entire post with one hand! I was wondering why it took so long. Cuz the other was under my left thigh and I just lifted it and it is blood deprived and oh boy. That was really stupid. I feel disconnected now.

2010-10-16T01:30:00.000-07:00

So many things I want to write about! But they're zipping around my head at 3 x 10^8 ms-1 because that is the speed of light and there is nothing faster than the speed of light and this is all rather diffusive and prodigal but anyway they are flittering all around my head and in my head I am running nearly that fast and they are nearly in reach, but I cannot ever catch them and can only see them and so I will never ever never lay my hands on them, dissect them and materialise them.

So it's over! School officially, that is. Quite unreal if you ask me. It has not hit me yet. Soon it will! Trust reality to come a-knockin'. Like a big black boulder flung callously from the Heavens. One thing I remember from The Last Day, is cake. And honest unbridled laughter (which comes quite easily around everyone in school). But chocolate cake! We all know chocolate does what chocolate does to me.

So in due time, or even sooner than 'in due time', because everything around me these days seems to be wilfully embraced in a whirlwind too fast for me too twirl along with, I will begin to long for bits and pieces of what-will-never-be(s).

So, it is 4:45pm in the afternoon and I am tired and unforgivingly incoherent. Am I tired quite often in my blog posts? I suppose I can only sit and type when I am tired. Sense or nonsense. I actually think one can think too much for one to be happy.

So twiddle dee! Off I go now.

2010-10-07T17:53:00.000-07:00

The last four lines are my favourite:

"your airplanes"
Rachel McKibbens

I.
over breakfast,
my father asks what you see in me.
I bite the inside of my cheek,
shove a forkful of pancakes into my mouth,
notice the salt shaker eyeing my wounds.

II.
you launch "I love yous"
from a Brooklyn fire escape.
they travel 3,000 postcard miles
and collapse into my ear, exhausted.
I pinch their noses,
breathe new life into their lungs,
fold them into airplanes,
send them back to you
and wait.

III.
there isn't a building
taller than two stories
here in Orange County.
not a single fire escape.
no point in jumping.
the worst that could happen
is a broken leg or heart.
this is why the sad kids get
so goddamn creative around here.
the mayor's son rigged his noose
to raise with the garage door
when the Mercedes came home.
a nine-year old leapt into the lion's cage
at Prentice Park Zoo after
her dog was hit by a car.

IV.
on our wedding day,
when I tell you "I do,"
it's because I do.
it's because you understand
how ten-thousand dollar apologies
still keep fathers worthless,
it's because my ribcage expands
every time I think of you,
it's for all the things
you see in me
and pretend
not to notice.

2010-10-03T07:51:00.000-07:00

KISS KISS KISS SHAMELESS LOVE DECLARATIONS FOR ALL OF YOU BEST MOST DELICIOUS FRIES I cannot count how many days of school I have left with you all because I am in Math Studies BUT NONETHELESS! YOU FILL MY DAYS WITH SUNSHINE AND BUTTERSCOTCH COOKIES AND CHICKEN WINGS AND PIZZAS AND AND LYING IN BED AND TALKING RUBBISH AND WASTING TIME all of which makes me happy. Very happy.

2010-09-30T07:33:00.000-07:00

MY BEST FRIES 4EVA ♥

Finito Prelims!!! Not a good happy week though... Not a good happy week at all.
Anyway, to get Tumblr and sayonara to Blogger or not to get Tumblr!? I am caving in to the Tumblr pressure; amidst a myriad of other pressures I am caving in to.

I am confused and being deliberately oblivious to all the let downs.

2010-09-28T05:04:00.001-07:00

"Because I understand. He can only try to..."

2010-09-21T06:06:00.000-07:00

I DARE SAY THEY HAVE THE MOST AMAZING WALNUT ALMOND BUTTERED SCONES TO EVER LAND ON MY TASTEBUDS.

2010-09-19T06:39:00.001-07:00

I am eating pie from Pie Kia right now. I am enjoying it solely because of its name. Because it makes me feel brave and ready to take on anything!!! Including my 2 Physics and 1 Econs papers tomorrow which I am not prepared for.

Goodbye and goodnight world!

2010-09-17T19:33:00.000-07:00

Today was...

Unintended directionless rides to nowhere, cranberry muffins, Pepperlunch, running and chasing huge flocks of dumb birds, watching my boyfriend yell as they charged towards him, skipping along pavements, calm waters and chicken rice. And bitten lips. ...I DID THAT MYSELF LA. Twice ): Oh and mooncakes!!! I adore mooncakes feed me feed me!!! Omnomnomnomnom.

2010-09-11T00:30:00.000-07:00

ZHI CHARRR <3

This everyone, is a cow horse.

THE BIRTHDAY GIRL!!!!!!! And ze lovely glitter cupcakes she baked.

SHUT UP BITCHAZ I AM TOO COOL FOR NORMALITY 8)

THE PINK BALLOONS ULTIMATE COOL & VEH PRETTY WHO GIVE YOU ONE AH??

This week was a lovely birthday week with food and more food and surprises. I loved it. I figure that if the Lawyer thing doesn't work out for me and I don't go to Law school, I could always plan birthday surprises.

Anyway this morning my Mother told my sister and I that we had cousins with blonde hair and green eyes on her side. BLONDE HAIR AND GREEN EYES. (One more time for emphasis): BLONDE. HAIR. AND. GREEN. FREAKING. EYES. I guess we got the fail part of the genes didn't we. I am sore about this sister, are you not sore about this?!

2010-09-05T03:35:00.000-07:00

LURVE Chips - Da bomb. I have devoured countless packs this week. Mother buys 3 packets, I polish 3 packets. Sister gets another 3, I finish them too. Right now I'm eating the "HOT 'N' SPICY" one and getting the crumbs all over my room floor. But I suppose the ants and the whatever else won't get to them because they're "HOT 'N' SPICY" and ants probably don't do spicy chips. My favourite's the "SEAWEED NORI"! If it wasn't for cranberry muffins and toasted seaweed chickens this'd be God's gift to mankind. Yes - it is that good.
Studying is not fun. At all. I cannot focus at home I get distracted by my laptop and the bed OH THE BED the bed calls out to me omg omg omg so I grab my stuff and trot out to Coffeebean. Where I get distracted by the muffins. And remain distracted by them until I finish the one on my plate. Which usually takes me ages because it is huge. I get productive only after the first hour. But by then I get restless and feel like I could run 555km in the desert without passing out. Reading this Nat?

Oh, and speaking of Nat...

Nuncles: GUESS WHO'S GETTING PUBLISHED IN THE STRAITS TIMES
Me: GUESS WHO'S WALKING OUTTA SCHOOL ...uh......??
Nuncles: No...better. ME.
Me: FOR REAL?!?!?!!! FOR WHAT!
Me: ...Mortuary HEHEHEHE
Nuncles: ): Wah lao you so terrible. I wrote to the forum abt the ip thing! And just now they called me to ask what my sec sch is. So i'm assuming... Teehee!
Me: OMG!!! YOU GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO AH HAHAHA What'd you say about it?! BUT OMG EXCITED.
Nuncles: Voices in my head told me to write it... I must have been possessed by the tibetian god of fertility and harvest.

Seriously, I know not of anyone else who pons school and stays at home and writes to the Forum. Nuncles you are one of a kind, one of a kind indeed ♥ Anyway the last P.E. lesson evar was super duper ultraman fun! I cannot even begin to describe it. I adore awkward moments, when they're not happening to me of course. Love all you twits. Yes Michelle, even you. Despite all the blatant flaunting in my face.

Anyway my BB has once again decided to go all bitch fit on me, so sorrz for not replying friends am temporarily uncontactable!

I GOTZ LAZY WITH THE PHOTOS.

2010-08-29T04:45:00.000-07:00

BLACK FRIEND RETURNS!!! ^^
WHITE FRIENDS.

MEEPOK FRIENDS.

...Yea she was trynna chat up the bread.......

I really do love my friends. Tons. And this is late but WE ARE DONE WITH IOCs AND ALL FORMS OF INTERNAL ASSESSMENTS HA!!! EAT MY DUST IB. Not. Ew Prelims ew ew woe is me ew. Hi, what you are reading now is the peaking of a sugar high I suppose I might even draw a detailed labelled annotated graph for you but bcuz I am mean and and I'm sorry. The muffin is distracting. Also because I am violent and sometimes, I REPEAT, sometimes brainless, I ripped out fresh skin from my toe OKAY TOO MUCH INFO and so I cannot walk really well. I had to flamingo for abit until the bleeding stopped. Also, this week and the past have seen many, waayyy too many boxes of cinnamon melts DIE YOU LOVELY MOUTH-WATERING SUCCULENT SWEET DIABETES INDUCING ah. Okay. Craving. Right. Now.

And because I am broke beyond belief MacDonalds has become my numero uno choice. Breakfast lunch and dinner. Fast food consumerism at its optimum HA! Watch me spout intelligence OMG no wait on second thoughts do not watch me it is painful it is even painful for me to watch me tomorrow I will paper-bag my red flushing face when my swishy ponytail and greet the entire school LISTEN UP TECHNOLOGY THIS IS THE TIME TO FAIL!!! Not when I am half blind and semi lost and trynna find my platypus in Vivo City who heehee thankfully has telepathy and found me at Candy Empire. Take that BB!!! Who needs you and your moodswings!!!

2010-08-23T02:26:00.000-07:00

I like perfectly shaped almond eyes.

I like beauty that is haunting, ethereal, nearly unbelievable, intangible. The kind that takes your breath away and obdurately refuses to return it. Not the slow saccharine mellow kind. Pretty just doesn't cut it. Pretty is inadequate pretty is... Little more than ordinary. I like beauty that you cannot get out of your head, that digs its roots and refuses to leave. I like beauty so far fetched and nearly unachievable that it hurts.

2010-08-21T07:20:00.000-07:00

This week I forgot how fortunate I am.

2010-08-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

SOMEONE FIERCE AH. ...I like heehee.

3 preddi girls with 2 chai tea lattes and 1 raspberry mocha!! Martini and I have the same poem as our computer wallpapers entirely by chance... IS TIS FATE SPEAKING OR WHAT. WE ARE GONNA BRING TO FRUITION OUR SECONDARY 3 DREAM OF not SHARING THE NOBEL LAUREATE PRIZE FOR ENGLISH LITERATURE IN THE FUTURE!!! This excites me.

Also, I shredded up my Cambridge Overseas Application Form this morning.

Apart from that, it's been a horrid week. Too much, too much. I can't lie about my happiness. If I'm sad, I'm sad. But it will all be different tomorrow and I will go back to sipping on sunshine, because I know someone whose bones're made of all things wonderful.

This was the scene in Lion King that always made me cry:

2010-08-14T06:14:00.000-07:00

You're beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me.

2010-08-13T08:44:00.000-07:00

so let me down softly this time
and I won't have to come back crying

2010-08-12T04:08:00.000-07:00

Why the change.

Who're you trying to forget?
Who're you trying to ignore?
Is it guilt?
Have you done something you'd rather be forgotten,
Have you done something you'd rather I not know?

Why the change?

2010-08-10T05:04:00.000-07:00

Meizzles got back from Kuching and she got me a Marie stufftoy. So now I figure that my life is complete with this to add to my budding stuff toy family. Which happens to be taking up lotsa space on my bed and so all wind up being flung on the floor while I sleep. Love you scrawny even tho you accused me of finishing all your tissue paper. I wouldn't enter your room all that bright green is over-whelming. Pink is the way to go~

Also, I asked my bestfriend what he thought of me as... as a rapper and I told him to be gentle and not crush my dreams. He replied with an affirmative "CAN" but then told me that I could only "use Shakespearean language coz that's how thy rollest in thy hood yo". ...Guess that means no ):

2010-08-04T01:35:00.001-07:00

2010-08-03T05:06:00.000-07:00

The monotony of school work is driving me nuts.

But apart from that, in the past week, I got a unicorn (and now I'd a like a wolf), had an unintended outdoorsy adventure (totally not my cup of tea) in the sweeping rain (which I supposed would've been nice had I been burried under the covers), thought about rejoining ballet, jumped to great music, and thanked my lucky stars for lotsa wonderful people who make getting out of bed alot easier C:

And you of course, for making me feel like I've got the entire universe on my side.

Dearest _____,

2010-07-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

I don't intend for this to be offensive. It's more of a I-have-my-back-against-the-wall-and-I-don't-know-how-to-tell-it-to-your-face-but-I-need-you-to-know-it kinda situation. Whether I like the person or not, maybe you hide it from me with the best of intentions, but know now that it hurts, it hurts a whole hell lot more when I unwittingly find out myself or when someone else tells me when I least expect it. That's the worst. Having somebody else throw it at me when I can't put on my game face and all I can do is stand while my insides explode with uncertainty and my hands tense up. Yes, it bothers me that you put on different masks depending on the audience. Yes, it bothers me that you pretend to ignore whosoever in front of me. And yes, it bothers me because you don't realise that you're not protecting but deceiving me with half truths and omissions.

2010-07-24T18:54:00.000-07:00

So, we're renovating the outside of the house and it's been little but noise and dust and more noise and dust. Also, the construction workers have been singing incessantly (and terribly) to Lady Gaga's songs. It is indeed quite disturbing.

It's okay.

2010-07-23T19:54:00.000-07:00

2010-07-17T23:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marked the end of my 3rd and (possibly) last visit to Little India. Like the true Indian I am, I ran across arterial roads with charging traffic, which was a skill my little white friend soon picked up. There we were, Mustafa shopping bags in hand, screaming and taking on cars as we sped across roads, and well... occasionally hiding behind the more seasoned jay-walkers. But enough of the adrenaline pumping action, my heart cannot take it and Sash's never before known Indian genes have manifested themselves. I on the other hand, fail at being Indian. I didn't even know which side went in front for the blouse (Sash walked out of the changing room with it on backwards). I also know not how to tie a saree whilst the white one does ): ...Good Indian Girl has taught her well indeed. But anyway now I have 2 metres of white silkish cloth and 1 metre of gold one - time for me to perform magix (and a ~~little~~ lot of snipping here and there) to transform them into a Grecian costume!!!

And, last night, I was on top of the world!!1!1!!!

2010-07-10T06:33:00.000-07:00

Tests were horrible boy am I glad they're over and done with.

This week I was vacuuming my table and I vacuumed up the only black ribbon I have which I use for school so now I am black ribbonless and unhappy and there is a void in my life because OMG I do not have a black ribbon and the only black ribbon I had is in the the dust bag in the vacuum with all the fluff and dust and I don't want to get my hands dirty trynna wrestle it out and besides that'd just be disgusting R.I.P black ribbon you have served me well ):

So in the spirit of all things stupid and mindless I doubled-or-nothinged my bet with Nuncles over the $28 bucks she owed me from a year ago BUT TSAAAH I am doomed for failure this time round because midway through the ridiculously long Geog paper I I... got distracted and started thinking of mochi aaah those lovely little squishy green tea bite sized pieces of heaven you'd be the death of me I tell you.

The weekends go by too quickly, waaaay to quickly and I want a unicorn and I won't take no for an answer.

2010-06-26T02:37:00.000-07:00

This is me dashing out of Fashion Lab after thinking it was the toilet. ...I WASN'T WEARING MY LENSES GIVE ME A BREAK OKAY.

That's Dad trynna be...Cool, I guess. Collar and everything.

If you could see my face right now it kinda sorta has "Goner-for-Common-Tests" scrawled all over it but then again that's nothing new I guess but anyhow! Goodbye to this space for a good three weeks.

It's now 3am on a Saturday morning and no, I was not up studying. I was out drooling over Ronaldo on a ginormous 4m X 3m screen OH BEAUTIFUL HE IS BEEEEYOUTIFUL no it doesn't matter that he played like he had three left feet and that for 95% of the match I didn't really exactly quite know what was going on and yes, yes, shameless fangirl-ing displayed right here.

I cannot feel my legs they've gone to sleep... nyaah I probably should too.

2010-06-15T19:28:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I'll be going to Universal Studios for the first time but not with the person I really really wanna go to Universal Studios with so that makes me a sad kitten because I like kittens and would like to be one but tomorrow I'd be like a kitten that has lost it's roll of wool or a kitten that tried to lap up milk from it's milk bowl but ended up falling into the milk bowl face first. Which would then remind me of the time I was six and fell into some icky mossy fish pond at some icky MacDonalds and blamed Trevor who was standing a safe 2metres away for pushing me in. Except that falling into milk would be rather nice I suppose. That's why spas have milk baths.

2010-06-06T01:00:00.000-07:00

SO CUTE OMG ^^

Jumped out of bed at 7am this morning full of sunshine and all things bright and beautiful hoping there would be cranberry muffins OMG OMG GLORIOUS LITTLE SUGAR FILLED PIECES OF HEAVEN like ten of them on the kitchen table but... no. So because there was nothing else breakfast edible at home I ate eggs and I hate eggs and I just knew it was going to be a bad morning. That was until I looked through the LV catalogue. My all-things-bright-and-beautiful mood returned oh my god like eye orgasm much.

On Friday I discovered that my class is king of ghetto music and that we're all black on the inside!!!!!!! ...Okay no. But karaoke was alotta fun anyway.

I realised that if I get thrown onto an island the only numbers I can remember without thinking twice are my own, my mum's and Pizzahut's (along with the annoying tune that goes with them numbers). I guess if I made a large enough order of Cheesy Lava pizzas like large enough to fill a helicopter, Pizzahut might just come save me. And I could even eat them hot steamy pizzaz on the way home.

I forget alot of things because you take up most of the space in my memory.

2010-05-25T06:25:00.000-07:00

So many things've happened I can't really remember anything that has. Except for Nuncles taking her Oath of Allegiance and so she's now a Singaporean and that sucks for us because. Darn. No more Malaysian jokes. And in the spirit of all things new, Martin and I got a vampire name and Raven Requiem is my vampire name.

Right now I am miserable because I have eaten all the red and purple Skittles and I only like the red and purple Skittles and this stresses me because I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this pack of redless and purpleless Skittles.

God, I guess I do need a rewind button in more ways than one.

IN YOUR FACEZZZZZ:

2010-05-22T06:22:00.000-07:00

They didn't give us a prize presentation so we gave ourselves one (HAHA):

♥

My sister found out that she got into council's discipline committee, which if you ask me, is probably the biggest joke around after Barney the pedophile. And the Korean guy on Youtube singing Mariah Carey's "tuts my burrehh".

And no Michelle, Mariah Carey is not black.

This week I broke 3 hairbands without even using them. I am dEstruCtoOoRrRRr and I break everything. Evvvvverything. I have hands that destroy.

2010-05-15T05:05:00.000-07:00

The fruit of uh... Me and Nat's loins!!1!!1!

So last Sunday was Mother's Day. It was a success - my sister and I work like Pinky and The Brain. Naturally, I'm Pinky. Because I like the colour and because I have absolutely no plans for world domination unlike my counterpart. Sadly however, Pinky isn't pink and the only parts of him/her/it that are pink are the insides of his/her/it's ears, tail, paws and feet. Also, Pinky is waaaay too rat looking for my liking. I would coin myself The Brain but for obvious and compelling reasons, I forsee myself being denied that. I can just imagine Sasha violently nodding her head in approval of my admittance. Speaking of Sasha - my white slave turns the big 1-8 today. I hope you liked the surprise! I have absolutely no idea what you're going to do with the weird looking leftover balloons floating on your pond. But anyway, here's to... 3? 4? 5? years with you, xx.

2010-05-08T07:50:00.000-07:00

H-h-hardly the same two days in a row. The heart that sleeps soundly hugging my lungs has grown restless and reckless oh I forget to breathe when you're near can't sit still don't want to concentrate don't pull me back, don't. I will stop this in its tracks, before it stops me in mine - human skin's hard to live in.

So, I've been busy with this:

2010-04-30T19:49:00.000-07:00

Last competitive Netball season evarrrr thanks for everything ♥

...Wegener's theory paleomagnetism continental drift Hess' convection current theory orogenesis andesitic rocks TSAAAH physical Geography and rocks and continents and plates can go eat shit and die. But right now I cannot be bothered with all of that I want to lie in a meadow and let the sun fill my bones drink lime juice and fall asleep in a bed of sunflowers. I'm tired.

2010-04-15T18:57:00.000-07:00

(Goodbye for now, no time and energy to keep this space.)

2010-04-10T05:50:00.000-07:00

I finally collected my secondary school graduation cert! After 2 years. I'm surprised they haven't dumped it. TOK PRESENTATION ON MONDAY I AM AFRAID.

2010-04-05T02:26:00.000-07:00

I know you're only after the chase.
But you know what? I'll give it to you.
If I hate you, I'll hate you till it hurts.

Derelict.

2010-03-30T05:11:00.000-07:00

I didn't find them, but those pictures both scare and intrigue me.

2010-03-27T07:26:00.000-07:00

I make important decisions everyday! Today it was whether to cut my fringe or not. So for now I've decided I'm going to keep it at the length it is. Tomorrow I'll find myself staring into the mirror and deciding again. I have a feeling the scissors will prove too much to resist though.

School's been... well. Like school! Endless assignments training frozen yogurt OMG FROZEN YOGURT I LOVE FROZEN YOGURT food and more food laughing at both something and nothing not turning up for Geography class skipping PE creeping out of school (only to get called back in) and lectured by (the very "affectionately" coined) Uncle Lau gushing over Swan (hehehehehe) happy moments and not so happy moments...

I feel like taking up Ballet again. I still remember most of the positions I still can remember how I'm supposed to hold myself and my hands and feet still know where to go. Mostly.

I love the weekends.

2010-03-15T20:37:00.000-07:00

I have two new bruises one less toenail a haemorrhaged other. I've been having deep translucent sleeps and waking up in love and being comfortable with living.
So the rain is lifting I guess and I have my hands full but am feeling tediously empty..

2010-03-13T06:28:00.000-08:00

The only real thing I have to offer to you is forgiveness. This is your life - it won't wait for you to get back up on your feet.

2010-03-06T21:03:00.000-08:00

Because you've got a choice to make. And having to make a choice like this hurts. Always.

2010-02-28T05:17:00.000-08:00

Last Tuesday I remebered that my friends were going to donate blood the next day. I also remembered I thought that they were going to die because the blood sucking machine would uh. Suck their blood and keep going at it till they screamed and cried in defeat or pain or both or worse still, just keep going irregardless and all that'll be left of them'd just be their shrivelled dried exteriors. Which the blood people would then chuck into their "Shrivelled Dried Exteriors" room. Don't even get me started on the needles.

Oh oh oh! I've realised that the top part of muffins is my favourite and I drink green tea whilst my sister drinks red and that my best friend and I can laugh at nothing for approximately 11 minutes. I really should be studying for Physics but my wooden table feels like black sequined leather my water tastes like the harshest of ciders and my light's shining a strange but beautiful blend of the rainbow above. The colours're darting through my veins and my brain feels like jello. Yea, it was a tough week.

2010-02-21T00:05:00.000-08:00

I want to watch your sleeping silhouette flicker against my room wall and hear the constellations whisper our names as the moon carves itself into the blackest of skies.

You stole my eyes and I never want to have to look back.

2010-02-20T20:06:00.000-08:00

2010-02-07T00:00:00.000-08:00

You two look so angelic here don't pretend hehehe love you monsters vvv much

That above is my kitten. He has low self esteem because I tell him he's ugly. E-v-e-r-y-d-a-y.
:)

(You really do. You also do much more than that too actually hehehe)

Ever since I can remember, I never liked celebrating my birthday. I do like birthday parties but only when they're not mine because I never liked the awkwardness (or what it seemed to be) at the moment when you're made to sit in the centre and everyone surrounds you and they go about singing you the birthday song and then do it two more times. In a different language. Three more times. At a faster pace. Omg I never knew quite what to do with myself at those moments except covering my face while it flushed hoping no one'd be able to see me the way I couldn't see anyone.

So my 18th was no different in that aspect. In front of the decorated pretty pink cakes (I had 5 of them and 8 delectable muffins), 18 years on, I'm still uncomfortable. Still covering my face, still flapping my hands in front of my face, still flushing, unfortunately.

But despite all the I-don't-know-what-I'm-supposed-to-do-moments, yesterday and today were beautiful. I would write about them write about the surprises write about the tealights and the presents and the time taken off and the laughter and the places and the planning and the phone calls and the things I don't have pictures of and the flurry of smses both from new and old and then the really old friends... But then I would run out of space to start writing about all that because I'd use up all the space writing about the people who did all of that ._.

18's just a number and I'm still young and still stupid and still happy with being young and stupid ^^

(Don't ask for promises then I won't have to lie)

2010-01-31T01:26:00.000-08:00

FIRST UH. SELF PORTRAIT IN THE NEW CAMERA AFTER WAKING UP HAHAHA

I love my sister because she'd run out of the house anytime for me to Coffeebean to buy me my cup(s) of large pure caramel and cook spaghetti for me oh and my cute white furry fatty's home (albeit hardly as fat anymore)!!! And my new camera's awesome Boys Like Girls was awesome my boyfriend's even more awesome work's pouring in but right here right now I am... happy.

If falling down tasted good I wonder whether coming back up will taste better. You're your own skeleton in the closet - don't play games with me because I can play them better.

Happy mess

2010-01-19T22:06:00.000-08:00

I want a new packet of zig markers bursting with colour and ink for me to drain and destroy and scribble and waste again. I want a new bottle of my favourite Bodyshop scent. I want a new red digital camera because I am bored of my dSLR and it's sickening bulkiness. I want new diaries and planners and notebooks.
Okay my lunch's waiting for me and and after it's swimming in my tummy I shall go to sleep. Because it's one of the few things I'm really really really good at (sad but true). It's also one of the few times where nothing can take me by surprise and my head does what I want it to do - nothing.
We aren't immune. But rock bottom is after all nothing but solid ground and the dead ends simply mean I have to turn around.

2010-01-10T19:10:00.000-08:00

Earlier on after staggering out of bed I got stuck outside my own toilet for 10 minutes because I was trying to push one of the 3 doors open for 10 minutes without remotely considering it could've been locked and so yea I was standing there pushing and pushing with all my might for 10 minutes forgetting that there were 2 other doors that were open. But then again I guess it's normal. I just got out of the hospital yesterday after all and the fever's still here and I don't usually think much and just do stupid things anyway.
Oh and it was horrible in the hospital. But thanks everyone for all the text messages calls visits thanks for keeping me in your prayers and thoughts I'm touched really really touched I should be fine and noisy again soon enough :)

2009-12-31T00:00:00.000-08:00

This year I stopped chasing after things and ran in my own direction. It's hard to decide but I've picked and will follow it and I will not move otherwise. I went through enough agony to keep me human, was given enough hope to keep me happy, learnt to just breathe and let things be. Realised I'm strong enough to walk away, but weak enough to look back. Finding out that what I've always thought was important, isn't always important.

Because important takes place with crouched backs, bent knees, and is gasped with last breaths, white fists clenched rigid, red bloody hearts unyielding. Misery with the right people is infinitely better than joy with the wrong ones.

I've made countless mistakes before, and even after getting to you. Like how a tree bends in the wind, twists and turns, before it gets closer to the sky. But you've had words to make me feel better, ears waiting to listen but not to judge, arms open for me to sink into; like my favourite memory, or a line of poetry. And a heart that aches when mine does. Even if distance ever wore at your name, your hands would still catch the light the right way and our hearts would still beat the same.

I guess I won't know how far I've come until I look back - it's time that makes you wise, pain that makes you strong, and the ride that gets you there.

2010, come take my breath away :)

2009-12-29T23:00:00.000-08:00

Credits: ZW

My sister disturbs me because she pairs sneakers with dresses and that really irks me and by typing this here I know she, being she, will proceed to make sneakers and dresses her favourite outfit HA I KNOW HOW YOUR MIND TICKS!!! ...Is there even an expression like that?

Anyway! That day like last something OH OH last Friday which was Christmas day we trooped down to the museum (I know... Gek,museum? I can totally hear Nat scoffing right now.) BUT BUT I WANTED TO SEE THE DELISH 3000 YEAR OLD MUMMIES ): which we didn't get to see in the end because life is full of lemons and I kinda wish it was full of kiwis or grapes or strawberries but no. Lemons. Okay whatever. I'm not feeling right today. Yes, today. Just today. And then a series of other things happened involving Gokarts (YAY RaCeRrgUrrrL-4EVA) and chicken claws with the other sad kid who does not celebrate Christmas. But we had fun! Not one bit Christmasy, no bright blinding lights, no presents under the decorated tree, but pure unadulterated fun. I could build abs if I got to laugh like that everyday.

Saturday and yesterday and today were nice. Everyday involving you is... Actually more than nice OKAY I FEEL DREAMY RIGHT NOW CAN'T WRITE GOING TO SLEEP BAI BAI.

2009-12-29T18:01:00.000-08:00

The face of the hottest manipulative conniving bastard type to ever walk the earth hehehehehehe!

(Just to see if I can breathe)

2009-12-27T21:21:00.000-08:00

I won't fight you anymore. I'd forgive you after all.
"Because we're all addicts. We're all addicted to our past."

Dark

2009-12-22T05:04:00.000-08:00

I can do things.

Talk in endless sentences. Talk about nothing in particular. Weave words through paper. Watch the words form. Not recognise the hand. Not recognise the writer. Make me fear me. Forget where I'm going. Make you wish time'd stop. Steal your soul. Realise there might never be an end to situations. No end to people. I can tell you things no one else knows. I can make your muscles make themselves taut. And watch your heart and soul toughen along with them. I can make you lay in bed alone and fear darkness. I can make you afraid without realising what it is you fear. What is left behind in Love after being-in-Love disappears? I am so sick and so tired.

But I can do things.

If you're going to run...

2009-12-20T11:00:00.000-08:00

go, run as fast and as far as you can because you and I both fear the things you'd do if you stay. Your absence could repair the damage your presence made. I don't want you to come back, ever.

I hate hospitals.

"Bitches, no noise backstage!"

2009-12-17T18:27:00.000-08:00

I have no idea why my hand is around my own waist either! OKAY FINE LAUGH LAUGH.
This is me blogging in retrospect and and and ACFF was alot of fun but it was sapping preparing for it with all the fittings and the running around with feet dying in 5inch heels but! All worth it. Thank you so much organisers Leo Alyssa Junhung the backstage people luv u Martini Mich and Ginny Zw the photographer whose pictures I always steal and and and everyone who came and was a part of it! xxxx.
Alrighty gotta go now, off to Browhaus heehee.

Gek.

Tevreden.

2009-12-15T21:02:00.000-08:00

Today I went shopping with Not so fat Santa and he did all of the shopping which was alot because I have good taste and I picked out nice outfits for him whilst I got coerced into wearing this purple monstrosity from UniQlo but I did it anyway just for laughs and we were making fun of the hideous waste of purple cloth then along comes this woman holding the same purple thing ready to check out. Amidst a myriad of other silly things I also tripped down the escalator with Yami yoghurt in hand because I have problems with escalators like the time I forgot to lift one foot off the edge whilst stepping on so I ended up doing a split. Luckily I got caught before I fell flat on my face. I broke my slippers though. And bought new Zebra preenz ones and watched some Alien movie.
But whatever. It was so much fun.

You being 500 kilometers away is inconsequential beacuse I can still hear your every heartbeat melting the stars and I've never been more comfortable with living. I cannot wait for you to get back home.

Gek.

I don't care about impossible.

2009-12-13T18:27:00.000-08:00

So! It's been a while but I guess it's just me @ exo-thermique from now onwards.

The sky never leaves your heart, and nothing has changed; your jaws are still saw and the glass pieces are still stuck in your tendons and you are still bleeding, and still running away. Away from yourself and throwing yourself to the waves, willing them to swallow you whole because you cannot take what has been given to you. Nights get darker and the greedy demons, they eat a little more of your soul everyday and your roof feels so heavy you cannot breathe. But you aren't trying to. You barely realise that your fixation is bleating beyond anyone's control.
I will search for you. Wherever, you go.

Gek.

He had an enormous amount of teeth

2009-12-03T03:27:00.000-08:00

Those are just two pictures of the thousand during our short stint in Bintan. I am back, November has been stellar (Chalets and surprises, House Comme, prom and Bintan just came crashing into one another and I refuse to post pictures here because I am lazy and they're on Facebook anyway) , and December embraces me with it's almost taciturn lull of inactivity (Except for my dearest Edward's birthday surprise sort of). Maybe I will decide to get more sleep. I now like resting in the wee hours and rising with the morning fog. Sometimes I look for sleep. It hides between nowhere and somewhere so.. I decide I can do without.

Anyway the reason I'm even here is to say that I think I will discontinue blogging. The people whom I'd want to know anything about my life are probably already involved in it. Honestly, most of you are here for my sister anyway. That did not come out right like I meant it. Also because (I do not feel safe.) Maybe on another space I will spill but not here, not now anyway.

We'll see. I change my mind often enough. Goodbye. (For now. Let's label this a hiatus because labels make life pretty easy.)

?Jixsaw

Ready for war (Not)

2009-11-25T05:01:00.000-08:00

My feet are so painful and there is no correlation but I have 100 pages of coporate Law jingle bojangle to read and digest and I am not even kidding. A hundred. In a night.
I should go get started.

ACFF.
Because it's going to be awesome and you don't wanna miss it.

Gek.

HAHAHAHA

2009-11-20T17:31:00.000-08:00

SORRY FOR RUINING YOUR MORNING WITH THIS PICTURE BUT HAHAHAHA I JUST THOUGHT OF A NAME FOR THESE THINGS. POINTY BACK BOOBS!!!! HAHAHA okay bye.

/jixsaw

HAVE YOU...

2009-11-16T17:34:00.000-08:00

GOTTEN YOUR TIX FOR ACFF YET??
The models'll all be at Cine's Gloria Jeans from around 2-4.30pm this Sunday selling tix and for publicity so so so do come down!!

Happy 16th meizzles. I love you!! (For real).
It's been.. Work at Frolick. Training. Outings. Eating. More work at Frolick. Repeat in that order and that's what it's been for the past 2 weeks or so. I've been attached to KhattarWong for my Law thingy and it sounds pretty exciting but right now I am so painfully tired I might just fall asleep typing this. The drive that gets you to do things might just drive you nuts.
Gek.

The sun is often out.

2009-11-16T05:30:00.000-08:00

I just get more attractive everyday hahaha

CLEARLY THE PURPLE CROWN IS THE NICEST

How orgasmic.

HELLO MY PRETTY KING!

This is too cute.

I have not touched this place in the longest time ever but HELLO CHILDREN. I've been trying to catch up with my life. There was Talent Vogue, (a)parallel, graduation, Chinese O'levels (F9 HERE I COME) and then some. I couldn't have asked for a better last day of sku.

I have lived my secondary sku days as a itinerant drunkard. I'm sorry for everyday I didn't revel in the delights of a tea egg. I'm sorry for every rule I haven't broken. I'm sorry for every prank I haven't pulled. I'm sorry for everything I haven't laughed at. I'm sorry for every teacher I haven't dissed.

I'm guess I'm just sorry it's over. To everyone who's let their mark on my life some way or another, thank you. For everything it's made me, (for better or worse), thank you RGS. You were never mine to own.

So.. Goodbye Raffles.

Hello ACS.

?jixsaw

School's out!

2009-11-09T17:26:00.000-08:00

So I've got a job and got a Law attachment and have Netball training and have my EE and TOK to submit by this Friday I AM STREZZED but no matter after this week it'll be nothing short of fun.

By the way, ACFF tix are on sale! Pricing's $10 (standing), $30, $50 and $1000 (front row), so mail me at dangs.burnedblackkiss@hotmail.com to get them or or or alternatively text me if you have my number. It's gonna be awesome and all tix grant you free admission + one drink at the afterparty in Supperclub! Visit www.anglochinesefashionfest.co.cc for more info. Cya there~!

Here's to an (extremely) impromptu Halloween!

2009-11-03T03:21:00.000-08:00

Today we had our IB Chinese exam which was pretty good and that's a relief because I never want to have to write Chinese compositions again! I remember how angsty I got after finding out I had to take Chinese again despite getting a B3 for Higher Chinese ) : Anyway! After that we trotted down to Town where we had Pepperlunch and went shopping and then decided (against my will) to waste our lives away in Kinokuniya where the dorks went book shopping for like foreverrr and I wandered around feeling oppressed by the massive book shelves around while they fascinated themselves with gross paperbacks and hardcovers.
I had alot to say because so much has happened but no time I gotta run!
Gek.

Sand and naked grief

2009-10-27T02:45:00.000-07:00

Can't wait for school to finish next week! I'm happy I didn't land myself in any focus camps. Nat owes me $35 because she lost her Gek-will-not-do-well-for-Geog-because-she-skips-all-her-lessons bet so I guess life is good and I can prance around in my non-existent Halloween cat costume.
Gek.

WE ARE ALL TAN KIM BOON

2009-10-22T07:49:00.000-07:00

Last friday was such an exciting day. In the morning we tried to surprise Wenyan with a small cake and balloons the shape of birds. Claire tried pulling a subterfuge over Wenyan and failed miserably haha. BUT! Because Wenyan is Wenyan she didn't suspect a thing. Then at night after my 1500m and 4by4 races I joined Neenee and Dorcas and Grandpox for a movie and an amazingly late dinner. Grandpox and I started reminiscing about our yesteryears haha and Neenee and Dorcas found us really amusing I think. In retrospect we were really mean in Secondary One. Nao we're just senile harmless old man, jocular to the eyes of the random passer-by. Fooled around at the king's place later and Neenee's parents came to pick her up at like 1:30am haha this amused me. (Despite our immutable beleaguering she couldn't sleepover, and her parents with their impressive resolve, came to bring their daughter back home.) Our plans to go swimming in the wee hours of the morning failed because we were all too tired so Grandpox and I (almost) pwn-ed Dorcas at Mastermind hahaha. Then I rushed home just to leave again half an hour later to visit.. My mom's brother's place for Deepavali. There's this little tyke called Ashvin and he is incredibly adorable. When like this scintillating semi-naked lady appeared on the telly he started giggling and peeked out from behind his hands. Such a perv :3 I'm confident he'll grow up to be a wholesome person.

Sunday I was wholly humbled haha posing isn't as easy as the skeletal mannequins on ANTM make it look. But fun nontheless. Monday capped off the relishable weekend cause Grandpox and Yu-jia and I crashed Yu Jin's place after making a funny card with the insignia of the Swiss flag on it ("Isn't that the red cross sign?" LULZ) because Yu-jia said she's partial to anything Swiss. We had a good laugh over watching Yu-jia contort her face into unimaginable shapes while trying to blow a balloon. Her stalwart determination allowed her to inflate one in.. Half an hour. Then after waiting for what seemed like forever we squealed and hid ourselves in her toilet. Grandpox was happy in the toilet because she is the king of toiletland, and we tried stifling our laughter as we heard Yu Jin's endearing screaming to her maid downstairs while we were huddled in the toilet. After more frolicking and getting discovered we went to eat the cake and prank called our fwnz. We adopted the moniker Tan Kim Boon and informed our unfortunate friends the results of the preganncy test they never took hahaha it was super funny. CHERIE ACTUALLY WENT TO PEE WHILE ENTERTAINING US FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE SHE DIDN'T HANG UP! "I really need to pee!" "Are you peeing? Pee louder we are professionals we'll be able to tell from the sound of your pee whether you're pregnant or not."

So that was my weekend last. Wednesday was pretty fun.. Despite my moaning about Geog options it is actually the option I enjoy the most. Trooped over to Ion for fieldwork and an amusing lunch. Elizabeth was like "How do you live with them?" then made eyes at Fux and Wenyan. "Oh. Reluctantly." I hope our project turns out better than fine.

I feel like such an insomniac I haven't slept for more than 4 consecutive hours since.. Sunday. What's below's from the blasted book by Kelman which I finally finished.

"Sammy had turned back onto his side, he wished he could fall asleep. But the trouble with sleep is ye cannay just fucking ye cannay command it to happen, it just does. Sleep. Fucking amazing so it is. There ye are, all wraped up in yer own body, snug as fuck. Ye lie there like there's nothing else exists in the world. Ye dont fucking want anything else to exist. That's how ye need to get away from it; cause if ye dont get away from it then ye willnay cope; the only fucking way to cope is by disappearing for six or seven hours out every twenty-four. That's how ye survive, nay other fucking way. This guy he palled about with once, he crawled into a corner so he could die."

WEEKEND'S HERE AGAIN. WHY SO FAST!

/jixsaw

Quite decisive ...(Possibly)

2009-10-17T23:06:00.000-07:00

Credits: Zw

Exams are over and I am more than willingly basking in the temporary directionlessness of my life I could sleep the day away or spend it catching butterflies (if there were any to be caught) and weaving clouds into animal forms or curl up on the sofa watching films or run down slippery roads and not think twice and go wherever I'd like to go. Oh it was horrid to be sick throughout the exam period I was so whoozy and light-headed whilst writing and my voice went up 2 octaves I had to be nursed back to noisy. I get unnervingly quiet when I'm sick. Or so I think. There's been alot going on but I've been having fun nonetheless! Be back here in time.

Gek.

The best part of be lie ve

2009-10-13T05:37:00.002-07:00

I thought about it and. There are about.. 4 people whom I would do just about anything for. I don't know if they feel the same way and I would ask them but I fear rejection. I am scared that I will stop liking them all as much if I found out that they don't like me as much as I'd like them to like me.

Out of all the colours on that.. flower, the green is the only one that is completely dysfunctional. And I guess prayer can't change that can it? The rest bleed ink all over my notes in technicolour. It disgusts me. Sometimes the curved edges feel so smooth and appealing and other times it irks me terribly because it nestles into my palm so nicely and there are things that just shouldn't fit like that. There are no gaps and nooks and secret crannies. So I switch it for a black pen instead that is abrasive to the skin and this is comforting.

?jixsaw

STOMP

2009-10-09T23:04:00.001-07:00

(Pictures from Zw)

Bona-fide liar.

2009-10-08T06:59:00.000-07:00

(Why so red why so red)

(Sigh. Cherie ah cherie.)

Hokay long overdue but hiii it's been a while since netball carnival. Which was fun but disgusting cause we were all soggy after cause of the rain so we aired ourselves in class. Life brought us to Cafe Cartel for lunch and we munched on bread mainly because Ashima kept getting drawn to the bread table (she has a secret affinity for knives) She is hilarious, like literally laugh out loud funny. She jabbed Neenee with the toothpick she stuck in her mouth then debonairly swabbed her with a used piece of tissue paper. Then Notty Duck Grandpox Sharan Neenee Dorcas and I went to watch Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs! Not in 3-D though so we didn't get to enjoy the gratifying experience of having chunks of food flying towards us. The movie was damn funny siolxszxszs especially when the black police dude grabbed his son's head and flung him towards his mommer hahaha and when the monkey (STEVE) mutilated the gummy bears and tore out their hearts in an endearingly primal fashion. :3 And oh below's our very kawaii class cheer! You're supposed to rap it heehee.

Cos we’re nine foot four,
When we jump from the floor.
If you doubt us, you’ll be shocked cos we’re PLAYING HARDCORE
We’re so gangster you can find us all training at night
Want a challenge? (uh-huh) we’ll put up a fight
Nothing’s stopping us, cos we have each other’s back
409’s your momma, tell me CAN YOU HANDLE THAT?

Mm and then there was the sleepover at Grandpox's! We lost like 3 tennis balls while playing. Skills. Dinner was naise fun goodstuff at like Liquids Cafe, and we walked back to her house and frolicked about the pool area. I can't wait till we make Part 2 of our Twilight video (Edward and Bella, A Love Story). Has anyone actually read the book? Ashima was telling us how stupid it is. Like the hackin freak of a baby, RENAEZMAEEEEEEE (So shoot me I didn't spell that right) broke Bella's spine? And Bella sounds like some horny teenager.. And Edward actually says stuff like "I must protect your virtue!" I bet if you say that in real life your girlfriend'll smack you leftrightupsidedown then leave you to die a lonely death. This is why I don't read Twilight. Or just.. Don't read in general.

Oh I've been playing Spider Solitaire alot because I have no life! I actually also play it even when my friends are around haha (^-^)V it's quite funny when I seem so engrossed and they saunter over wondering what intersting mind numbing game I'm absorbed in and roll their eyes when they catch a glimpse of the screen. And beause I'm a cheater I undo my moves when I'm stuck and reset my statistics to make it look as though I'm really awesome at it. Which I am. Sorta. Kinda. Statistics don't lie.

And today, before the Chinese mock paper (It really lived up to it's name and mocked my Chinese inadequacies haha.) I saw Wei Yi do something really funny. It was midway between a spasm and something reminiscent of a dance move. I hope I remember it forever so I can laugh at it when I'm old. BY THE WAY, I am daring, I attempted a Qing Jing Wen! okay nothing special there but this for me is like a monumental leap. I am fearless I am a pearl the world is my oyster. Unless I fail that too then okay I will go hide in a corner and read Chinese books and drink Chinese tea and converse with all my friends in Chinese and dream of products made in China and cry my semi Chinese self to sleep and have dreams in Chinese. Unless there're no English subtitles. Then that'd make it a nightmare.

ZAI JIAN!

(O: JIXSAW

I could only sing you sad songs

2009-09-28T07:14:00.001-07:00

Hahaha I think Jean dropped me.A coupla photos from track camp. It seems awfully long ago even though it's been a mere 3 months. (It's also been three months since I last trained. EWW.) Sigh. There's so much that I want to say but the right now the right words just crumble away. Maybe when I'm feeling less braindead.

(O:

Anyway, I wanted to blog about my weekend but that shall have to wait because I'd rather blog with pictures and blogger refuses to upload the dslr photos. I don't really like options because I never have much time with any of my classmates anymore. AND MONDAYS ARE BLOODY LONG LATE HORRIBLE TERRIBLE SCHMAZZIBLE DAYS CAUSE I HAVE ALL THREE OPTIONS ON THE SAME DAY. AND NETBALL CARN IS LIKE THIS SATURDAY WHY SO FAST. I wish I were an old person so I'd have an excuse for being so slow. I lost my storybook in sku this makes me sad because I'd barely read two chapters. This makes the second one I've lost in sku. And.. I'm finally starting to pay off my sleep debt.

Oh my god I'm so incoherent today.

?jixsaw

I dreamt you were carried away on the crest of a wave

2009-09-21T07:53:00.000-07:00

Haha this pretty much describes the pictures to come.

Aww no more Mother's Day :3

All these pictures crack me up for different reasons. Yesterday was uneventful but surprisingly fun and I feel all warm and happy inside! I know I look like such a fat unglamorous thing in the last neoprint but it's such a happy picture and it was incredibly funny how they hoisted me on their legs and flipped me 360degrees to get me in that position in time hahaha.

One day I will write a story about a man who went about the world on an albino horse and on his mind all the time would be his love,lost and in the crevices of his face would lurk an irredeemable sadness and then he'll have a diary where he'll write about his travels but he'd always tear out the pages he'd written on cause he'd never be able to find the right words. I've already thought of the ending! HE'LL DIE WITH HIS HORSE HOHOHO and his last diary entry (which was also torn out, will go something along the lines of "I love you with every fibre of my being. It hurts that you’re so amazingly beautiful and that you can’t be mine/ You're always on my mind/ Please know that I always loved you" or something awfully hackneyed like that) will be carried away by a caressing breeze. And maybe somewhere far away a beautiful old lady will feel the onset of a perpetual, intermittent shiver and an overwhelming sadness that consumes her whole but no one else knows he's dead so almost everyone's life goes on as if nothing cataclysmic happened. THE END. (O:

MHM OPTIONS START TOMORROW.

?jixsaw

"Everything is blooming most recklessly;

2009-09-18T21:41:00.000-07:00

if it were voices instead of colors, there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night."

I hesitate to write about the tons of things that actually matter and everytime I'd like to begin doing so, it feels like I'm trying to toss bricks into the air and keep them there. So I'd rather hide them in my head. I spent close to an hour reading old posts that once bled with meaning but instead felt anesthetized for no reason and so deleted the whole lot of pictures and words about and for people that are no more (in one way or the other) because I'm afraid that in the future, when I read these could-have-been-but-were-never-written posts, it will be like this.

I feel happier now.
Gek.

About dysfunction.

2009-09-11T03:45:00.000-07:00

Your grandmother in the hospital died in the dark of the night.

Thinking about dirty money and nubile young things, in the dark of the night, Father cheated on Mother with a whore.
Dressed like a whore, your sister cut herself with a rusty blade when no one was looking.
When you were 8 and thought no one was looking, you flushed down your hamster down the toilet bowl. He’s never going to forget you.
In the arms of another, your girlfriend already has.

Hi kids! I'm sorry the world is such an ugly place. Aww.

?jixsaw

Never apologize, never explain

2009-09-09T20:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I received a really sweet surprise that was yellow and had petals and was sweet-smelling and sent the butterflies flying in my tummy and made me squeal to myself heehee. Plus, the shoot was fun and I can't wait for the high rez pictures and the posters to be up; those're only a few printscreen shots! The clothes were awesome but we had to be so so careful with handling them cause each set could amount to thousands. It's for this event happening in December, find out more on at http://www.anglochinesefashionfest.co.cc/!

Gek.

What's this?

2009-09-09T18:10:00.000-07:00

Happy if you are. (O:

?jixsaw